Zaliel
“Amanda, please let’s—.” Zaliel could only fall to her knees, her heart like a vice. Any anger she had felt at the argument evaporated, leaving her with confusion and shame. Was I really that selfish? Was I hurting Amanda this whole time? Where do I go now? What do I do about Ben? How could she keep seeing this man who she felt so strongly for if Amanda didn’t approve? What will he say when he finds out about this? And, worryingly, would he reject her next? It had been so long since she met anyone who had accepted her so completely.
She sat on the floor and clutched her head, fingers grabbed tightly to her auburn hair. Miga was a fuzzy, amorphous shape in her blurred vision; a steady, stabilizing presence that she slowly started to focus on. Zaliel was still sobbing when she asked, “why are you here, Miga?”
“I, uh, Amanda invited me for drinks.”
Oh no. “What bar?”
“Um, this place in Boston?”
“Salutations! Oh fuck me she must be so mad—that’s like, her favorite hate-bar.” All her fears redoubled.
Miga had to ask, “what is a ‘hate-bar?’”
“It’s a bar you go to when you’re furious and want to get angrier.” Somehow explaining helped. “Amanda hates that bar and all the holos in it. Before you ask: I literally don’t know why.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” More tears. When was the last time I cried this hard? she wondered. When Roliunou dumped me? But that was almost ten years ago.
“What will you do, now?”
Zaliel had forgotten about Miga, though she was grateful for the Caitian. Her presence kept pulling Zaliel out of her own head. Am I just using her now? “I guess…pack my stuff and move out,” she said, resigned. “If I don’t at least make a show of it, she’ll get even angrier.”
“Has she thrown you out before?” Miga asked.
“No,” Zaliel said as she stood. “But I’ve seen her act that way with her exes. She won’t let this go after a good night’s sleep.” Will probably never let it go—I’ll always be the one who hurt her.
Miga stood as well, still that steady presence. “Let me help,” she offered, her voice soothing.
Zaliel’s first instinct was to decline. She barely knew Miga; hardly knew what gossip would burn through work Monday. But something in Zaliel’s mind turned, reasoning that if she was doomed anyways, she may as well accept the help. In her mind, she had nothing else to lose.
“Okay,” was all she managed as she led Miga into her bedroom.